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vyrtue77
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Name: Chanelle
Birthday: 10/7/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: Obtaining Knowledge, basketball, going out, beef jerky, talking outside, HAVING FUN!, jazz clubs, writing, singing, poetry, dancing naked in the mirror, technology, drawing, *computers*, new things, learning, long walks, apple juice, APPLE (the computer), typing, loving, embracing, alcohol? he he, MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC, knowing about myself, church, GOD, Philosophy (oooo an enigma?), passion, my friends, and trying to be great at everything I do.
Expertise: being me..... that's all I can be
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Azullove7
Yahoo:  Vyrtue77_1007
Member Since:
6/15/2003
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| Mannnnn...
I just called these people to just complete one thing.
to STOP getting online statements and get paper statements sent to my house, why? So my grandmom can stop being on my back about it and pay MY bills (can't complain right), and so that these fuckers stop taking so much money and refinancing and applying interest.
So I call up.
And I get an Indian (yes the ones from India), her name was Tracey, how do I know? Becuase she told me THREE times... She looked at my account and wanted to keep transferring me over to Private Loans.. She didn't even know my question!!! I was on hold, and I was asking her about changing my bills finally the third time and this bitch decides to put me on hold for another long time because she doesn't know how to change a simple status on my account. Then... THEN after some time it hangs up on me... (sigh)
I'm so glad I used Skype, thanks to them, cause I would have been over in my minutes, then I would have had to blow the government up...
So I call back.
I get ANOTHER Indian, I thought it was Tracey again, but this time it was Chelsea, she was cool, asked me what I needed, and changed it LIKE THAT.. WHY THE FUCK WAS IT SO HARD TRACEY??? WHY TRACEY?? WHY COULDN'T YOU DO THAT?? Of course this time I was pissed and Chelsea was asking why I wanted paper, and I'm like, Becuase i JUST WANT IT... Because I SAID SO.. LOL... Uhhh.. that was mean...
I'm sorry Chelsea!
The kicker was, she asked me if I wanted to refinance my mortgage in the next 6 months...
No thank you Chelsea, I think I'll just go now, after all I have to figure out how to pay yall motherfuckas back, I can't even GET a house right now..
...........
Alright, until next time....
(Next time my grandmother is doing this herself)
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| I look tired don't I?
Because I am!!
LOL...
But no really, this time around on xanga, I have a purpose. I'm sick of what I've become.. Ok, not to make this sound sappy or anything, but then again, I'm not on here to please others, I'm here to seriously try to get my mind in check. Sometimes you find yourself on a path and you wonder how you allowed yourself to get this far. That's what happened with me, and is happening with me. I am trying to do a couple things here.
For one, I am trying to stop being so negative. Negativity has a way of rearing it's ugly head and causing just horrible emotions and actions causing you to wonder how you got so far down the path. It's almost like a lie. You get so caught up in it and then it stems out of control and hurts everything that you thought you ever worked for.
Two, I am trying to stay on this visualization path. Last year I did a dream board and all but maybe 2 came true. I moved to Atlanta, I got a awesome computer, got an awesome girlfriend, go to an awesome art school (Creative Circus), with a $10,000 scholarship, have money, and a loving and supportive family. I have greater things dreamed out for me, and I'm trying to get to them without letting negativity get in my way.
Three, running, well no... defeating depression. One of those long lasting battles with the mind. Need I say more?
Four, becoming more spiritual. Not religious, that's easy to do, but really just spiritual. Becoming more aware of God, and myself, and truly opening up to what life is offering me, and not being so hard on myself..
And FIVE.. very big, but not impossible. LOSING WEIGHT. Since this time last year, I have put 35 pounds. Something I'd never thought I'd do in my life, and while I may look good to other people, it's seriously a health risk for me. My back hurts more, I find myself more tired than usual. And it makes me more depressed because I feel so fat. I want to know what's causing this, cause sometimes it's not the food we eat. Go figure. Well, whoever is still out there is out there, but some things must be down with your pants down in front of a crowd.
The whole world can watch, I'll still pee standing.
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| I forgot that I was a writer.
I forgot that I was a lot of things actually. There comes a point when you become something else for so many people that you forget who you are. That's not new right? We all have been there before. Steady trying to please someone else when you know you've been taught not to ever do that. You know that cliches are the breath of the world, but you choose to hold your breath, not to ever learn from past mistakes, or lessons...
I forgot that I was writer.
Through writing I was able to tell people how I was REALLY feeling, when my mouth couldn't speak what I felt. And no matter how many times I did talk and try to defend ME, my actions were thrown in my face, over and over again. Well that sucked too.. ha ha.. through writing there was a release. There was a commonplace to live with. Its where you can actually see a reflection of who you truly are. Cause you can ask other people, but their view is distorted. They can only see 1/1,000,000 of who you really are. You can explain until you were blue in the face, but it won't mean anything, until your words are written in your tears... the world becomes deaf, and your feelings escalate.
I forgot I was a writer.
Listening to songs, trying to sing them in the same emotional heartbreak as the artist. Through the words you hear your past talking back to you. Through the lyrics you hear your present yelling at you, and the words are blocking your future. Wondering why you are even singing, you can't remember the words... yet you wrote the song.
I was a writer.
Play it safe, just read. Don't even try to be creative... positivity is a battle, and it's a hard lesson to learn. But you know you can go far. You know someone will appreciate your efforts. You know someone will read your story. You know they will laugh and cry as they read your ink spots. They will feel your emotion intertwines in the characters on the page. The definition of love always shows up between the reader and the writer.
I forgot.
I AM a writer... and a lover... and a fighter...
I sit in silent apartments too.
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| It was supposed to be a day of luck, or something of the sort. Perhaps
it had too MUCH play, and it just needed to be lived as another day.
The sky was blue, but yet things still seemed drab. It wasn't too hot
or too cold, but yet I just didn't want to be present on this day.
Kind of like wanting to be invisible. Going back to little kid games,
when you thought that if you put vanishing cream on, you actually could
disappear. I guess as much as people hate to hear the negative tales
of someone else, you always long to share your feelings of being stuck
in the abyss of life. Not getting too deep, just deep enough where you
would know where you stand regarding takes on life, and how to feel
about it. We are taught not to dwell on our negatives, or things in
life that we want to change, so I guess I'm stuck just forcing myself
to look at the positive of life, and be okay with it. And get asked
the same question of my present state of mind, and emotion, wishing
that I could disappear but then don't to be in that psychotic abyss yet
again... Wow, that word keeps showing up hard and strong. I
guess that abyss is where I feel that I am at. I wish that I wasn't
there, but I guess we all have to go through this every once and awhile. | | |
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